Rev. Amy's Thoughts

From the December 2011 Focus...

Moving from crisis-driven aid to multi-level care

This December, I want to talk about a different kind of gift from what might appear under a tree, one that our congregation participates in all the time—taking care of each other. Peg Cook runs the Careline and I do my best to get to people who need me, but I have felt since I began serving UUFE that our needs run deeper than that. Recently UUFE was accepted for participation in a special program that will help us do just that, and, my friends, it will be the gift that keeps on giving.

The Center for Congregations, funded by the Lilly Foundation, is teaching fourteen teams of 3-5 people each, from Indiana congregations, how to grow their churches from being crisis-driven to being able to help more comprehensively. The program, run by facilitators from Duke University, is called "Creating Unbroken Circles of Care in your Congregation." There is a strong emphasis on teamwork, with the minister as a member, to serve the ongoing needs of UUFE even better. As a team, we can help each person at UUFE to discover your own strengths, your own niche— so that our circle of care involves all of us.

Our Congregational Care Associates now number 4, but we hope to bump that up to 6 to include two men. Holly Vernon, Peg Cook, Beth Lefever, and I, are the ones going to Indianapolis for the four training sessions from now to May. We know that we will lose Reverend Beth when she finds her own congregation, but she will take her knowledge to that new settlement, and we will get to have her expertise for a little while until that time.

Think about how it would look if we expanded our care—grief circles, support groups for divorced people, parenting groups, organized casserole teams, phone lists of people who live alone…what will our unbroken circle of care look like? We'll still have Peg's Careline and all of the loving, thoughtful things UUFE has always done, but more of it. What part will you play? What would you like to see? This is a gift to all of us!

From the November 2011 Focus

Colder Weather Means Time for Small Groups!

To celebrate Autumn, we will gather for 3 small group meetings that will meet in November, December, January and February, at least, unless the groups vote to keep meeting. A small group has a specific format; for instance, we agree to read the article before we arrive at the meeting. Each time, the article is selected by the group leader from the UU World magazine, which is available online, in the mail when you become a member, and several copies around the fellowship. The first selection is http://www.uuworld.org/ideas/articles/187188.shtml from UU World dated 9/5/11, entitled, "After 9/11, Can Unitarian Universalists Talk About Evil?

On the day of the meeting, we each show up on time and, first, we check in. This means we each have uninterrupted time to tell the group what is happening in our lives, and a timer is employed for equal sharing, with no interruptions or cross-talk during check-ins. After each person checks in, the bulk of the time is spent discussing the article, with the group leader keeping the conversation on track and making sure everyone gets to speak. At the appointed time, the discussion wraps up, each person gets a minute or so to tell of what they liked about the meeting and what they wish could be different next time, and the meeting is adjourned. Sometimes people socialize after the meeting, but the point is that if you have to be somewhere else, you may be assured of when the meeting will end.

I hope that you will join one of the small groups in November. Just for fun, I'm trying something different -- I will facilitate a group for women only, while Kevin DeBeck holds one for men only, both on Wednesday, November 30, from 7-8:30. The third group is not gender specific, on Monday, November 28 from 7-8:30 pm. Older children will be welcomed to watch a video or play or read in the minister's office without supervision. If we need to provide supervision for your younger child, call 264-6525 in advance, please.

Small groups improve our listening skills and can lead to deeper friendships. Try one.

From the October 2011 Focus

Revelry

Recently in a Maine newspaper there was an article about a 19-mile delay caused by … drivers reveling in nature. On the highway from Maine to New Hampshire, at the end of Labor Day weekend, people were so mesmerized by the scenery it caused 19 miles of holdup. With frequent headlines about waning health care choices, high unemployment and flagging spirits, it was uplifting to read about a horrendous traffic jam caused by beauty. What a nice problem to have — easy for me to say because I wasn't in the holdup.

Yet, I smile at this story because I think this is happening at UUFE lately, too. The fact that we are crowded at 10:45 even though we have two services now is a nice problem to have. Planning Beth Lefever's ordination right before our 50th anniversary celebration is a little bit "exciting" for those ad hoc committees. The reasons are that we have been a liberal religious force in the community for 50 years, and we are transitioning Beth from lay leader to religious professional.

These are opportunities to shine in our wider community. The busy weekends and the crowded meeting room point to our vibrancy.

As we get ready for--and then carry out--fall cleanup and Trunk or Treat and two services every Sunday and Beth's ordination and our 50th anniversary and a 100-mile potluck, sometimes there will be holdups. Sometimes there will be a traffic jam in community life or even your own getting around, figuratively or literally, because of our reveling in our beauty. These are nice problems to have — revel in the delay.

From the September 2011 Focus

Living Life in Grateful Community

Not surprisingly, the only thing I can write about for this month is that cancer has, once again, found my family. We lost my mother to pancreatic cancer in 1983, and at the beginning of August my sister, Joni, who lives in Northern VA, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. My family is hopeful that she will have a full recovery, and surgery has already removed the tumor, but there have been lessons learned about community that I wish to share here.

When I first found out that she would have surgery, a Sunday came and went before the surgery happened. I felt the full, palpable love of UUFE during the service and afterward at coffee hour. It may sound strange, but as frequently as I have been the giver of pastoral care, I did not realize with full weight how it feels to get all that caring all at once. It's really quite overwhelming. So I asked myself, "Why? Why do we give love so freely, and then receive it so gingerly?"

Receiving the love of a community is humbling. Giving love, by way of cards, or cooking, or phone calls, or even pinch-hitting in the pulpit (you know who you are!) is a natural expression of who we can be when we are at our best. Giving love makes us feel good because...it feels good. Receiving it feels good, too, but heavy. I recall once, early in my ministry, telling a very strong matriarch kind of woman at another UU church that, yes, she would probably "have to" accept the casseroles, rides, and such being offered. I explained that people needed to know that they were participating in her healing, and her strong leadership style required that she accept the love. I remembered this lesson as people offered to get me out of town quickly, and cover my duties in my absence. I offered this same advice to Joni as she received flowers and cards and meals and more.

Gratitude is the big emotion that fills the chest of any recipient lucky enough to be overwhelmed by the love from UUFE. I want to thank you all for caring for each other, and for this pastor, so well and so frequently. It is such a force that it spills over into our outreach programs, to our social justice projects, and to the children who get raised by this entire fellowship. Some of our sermons and education classes are quite intellectual, and some of our programs are quite heavy on justice issues, but none of them would happen without heart. From my heart to yours, thank you for caring so much.

From August 2011 Focus

Planning, Pondering...

I just returned from a very much appreciated vacation wherein my family and I traveled through 11 of our 50 states. I was in a park in upstate New York, a Catholic church in Fairfax, VA, Ferry Beach Conference and Retreat Center in Saco, Maine, and lots of points in between. Neither Kevin nor I have an i-phone, so we don't have web access everywhere, and all of those hours in the car are times when we can talk or sing or laugh or plan. Last summer in the car we came up with the idea to have "Exploring Art" at 9 am so that children during the 9am service would have something wonderful to do.

Here are some of the plans or ponderings that we talked about so that you, too, can know what it's like to be trapped in the car--- er, I mean, you, too, can feel lucky enough to talk things through with me. Many programs and events did not happen because I was using my hours differently, with the launch of the 9am service. I have thoughts about this.
We did not have senior lunches this year. Did anybody (besides me) miss gathering monthly and should we start that up again?

In my 2nd year we had a few small groups who met to discuss articles from the UU World magazine. Last year (my third) we did not do this because the 2 leaders (besides me) were way too busy to facilitate. Should we start those groups again? And is there anybody reading this who might like to contact me about being a facilitator?

Phil Campagnoli is retiring from leading the Adult Ed program, and I have an idea about this. I wish that we would have a committee, or panel, actually, that meets to discuss opportunities for adults in this community. It would include the groups on Tuesday and Thursday nights but also beyond that. Maybe starting a Young Adult group, and a parenting group, and so forth. No chair would be needed as we meet in panel fashion with me facilitating.

In the same vein as beginning a panel for adult ed, I wish we could convene a group like that, monthly, to discuss Social Justice programs.

The reason I say panel rather than committee is that a panel might receive information about the individual events people attend and then report to UUFE rather than trying to get the whole congregation to attend each thing. When an opportunity arises for all of us, the panel could advertise and organize, like the Crop Walk, for instance. What are your thoughts?

So now you know what happened in the car through eleven states, but you did not hear me singing to Lady Gaga. I will love feedback, and I am excited about this new year.

From May 2011 Focus

Assumming Good Will

Many official meetings will be taking place in these next couple of months around UUFE and I wanted to let you all
know how much I cherish our own good communications. Recently a phrase I use has been labeled as a difficult idea,
one that has perhaps run its course and needs to be retired—"assume good will." Often when I work with a group, the first thing we do is set up a covenant for how we will behave that includes rules like "using 'I' statements," to ensure that people speak only for themselves, that they don't put the onus for their feelings on others, but "assume good will" so that if someone says something that rubs us the wrong way, rather than getting angry, we remember their inherent worth and dignity and don't fly off the handle. This idea, however, of assuming good will, bears further inspection because I still find it useful.

When someone says something that causes us to have negative feelings, it is not enough simply to take it, excuse them, presume they meant something different from what they said, or act as if it did not bother us. Agreeing to "assume good will" reminds us that, although it may be difficult, we will keep open ears and heart although our gut instinct is signaling discomfort. BUT THEN we must act; there is a second step to assuming good will. We must ask clarifying questions, or ask for a moment to gather thoughts or re-group from negative feelings. Assuming goodwill does not mean denying our own feelings. Instinct is good and should not be denied—this is why we do not have to list as a ground rule "listen to your suspicions" because we naturally will. It is taking that breath before voicing disapproval that bears a reminder. We feel better about ourselves when we have good intentions.

The next time any of us are taking part in a group discussion, formalized or not, I hope that we will remember to assume good will. It can help us keep a cool head even when the discussion gets emotionally charged. It can remind us to slow down and listen to our inner voice that is signaling discomfort. Best of all, assuming that we have good will in our heart and mind will push us to ask those clarifying questions so that we get the information we want or need, even if it is not what we hoped for. I look forward to meetings with many of you, and at each one I will be assuming good will on everyone's part. May it be so with you, as well.

In peace,
Rev. Amy

From April 2011 Focus

Perceptions are Key to Understanding Life

I have at times been surprised to hear from a congregant, or a friend of mine, or even a family member that their percep-tion of what happened is very different from my own.

Do we believe only what we see or hear? Or do we inadvertently allow ourselves to make decisions that are not based in fact because it seems true? Sometimes marketing, a skill that shapes our perceptions to move us to a certain goal, sways us. While manipulative, pointing somebody in a particular direction is not always a negative thing. Our fellowship is marketed in a particular way to attract particular people.

What this means to our church life is complex. As we review how the year has gone, with the addition of a 9am service, perception plays a big role. This is also true in the case of building on our Gathering Place. The perception (and I would say, correct perception!) is that we are thriving and growing, with a new service and a new addition, and growing num-bers in our Lifespan Religious Education program. However our actual membership numbers as reported to the UUA have gone down. How can this be; the meeting room feels more full. What do you think?

We will need to gather for a town hall meeting to discuss the questions surrounding our Gathering Place—its capital campaign, the procurement of our mortgage, how that affects our endowment, and how all of that affects our annual budget. Leaders from many groups will be on hand to hear your questions and to listen for your perception about how this is going and how we should proceed. Without this time of sharing, misconceptions can creep up and they can seem true if they go unaddressed.

The stewardship committee has asked questions regarding how you feel about UUFE. This information adds to the col-lection of data so that we can understand how to build even more effective programs for planning and think of new ways for our leadership to meet the needs and dreams of a growing congregation. In this month of April there will be many opportunities to share your perceptions of UUFE life. I hope you will do that. My perception is that we have a great fellowship with much to offer. What is your perception?

In love and peace,
Rev. Amy

From the Febrary 2011 Focus

Thoughts on Gratitude, Again

We are officially into the second half of our church year now, and this is the first newsletter article I'm writing after the New Year. Instead of new thoughts, I turn to the time-tested idea of gratitude and what that really looks like.

Doris Stickel has recently resigned from the chair position of the Building and Grounds committee. For all the work you have done, I am grateful. Thank you. Many folks on the board and in other groups think this change in leadership might be a good time to separate out Building upkeep from Grounds upkeep. Doris will continue to help but does not care to carry the load of management any longer. Thank you for recognizing this, Doris, and for providing a model of good leadership.
Do you know that we do not employ a janitor? I don't want to embarrass anyone whose service to the fellowship is their private devotion, but a member just like you cleans our bathrooms. For this, I am grateful. This would fall under a Building upkeep job. Do you have any interest in general housecleaning from time to time of our building?

Our kitchen stays clean with the help of many people, but did you know that Carolee Searles oversees its functionality? Linda Arbogast empties the 2 dishwashers on every Monday or Tuesday after we fill them on Sundays. Thank you, Carolee and Linda.
We have a contract with a plow service for the parking lots but not for the sidewalks.

Do you know that the person who has regularly cleared our sidewalks by pushing a heavy snowblower, in cold weather, for hours until the job is done, is over 80? He has decided that the body aches now make this job impossible and has retired. Both Rich Hackel and Zach Stevens have come forward as potential snow-blowers. How about you? And to our retiree, thank you. I am grateful for the work you did.

There is always more I could say. More people to thank, more jobs that are done. More jobs that need to be done. But as you think about the way UUFE fills your life and the ways that you could help, in ways seen or unseen, I ask you to have gratitude for our community. And maybe think about ways you could show it—by thanking folks for doing things or by stepping up, yourself.

Always grateful for this community,
Rev. Amy

From the January 2011 Focus

Happy New Year to you all!

This feeling of being rooted is a new experience for me that I want to thank you for providing. More and more I feel part of Michiana, and I keep learning ways that I can have a positive impact on our community. I trust this congregation, and the larger community, more as a member and less as a newcomer. I believe that this trust is reciprocated, and I want to share with you a couple of ways I think we can keep our relationship fresh, and they both involve good communication.

First, on January 9th, both services will be "State of the Union" services, featuring short sermons with congregational feedback time for questions and comments. Maybe we'll even brainstorm some ideas together. Maybe it's time to look at how we fit together, and birth some ideas about how to move forward in some areas. Certainly we'll do some basking in the glow of the things about UUFE that make us really happy.

The other way to keep things fresh is also through good communication—talk to me about my service here. You may like to read the Minister Report and see what types of ministry I serve not just for UUFE but in the community.

This may be especially useful if you are new to UUFE, you might find it interesting to know that a minister works in units, not hours. Full time is 12 units a week, or approximately 3 each of morning, evening, and afternoon. A unit might be 2 hours of intense listening or 4 hours of mindless filing. Some weeks might take 16 so the next week might see 10, and so on. Another rule of thumb is that for every minute a sermon lasts, (mine are about 15-20 usually) it takes one hour to get there, including the research, reading, meditating, writing, and editing. And that's just the sermon part—there's coordination for the rest of the service, and the production of the Order of Service, for two different services. All of it takes time, and it's all an honor and privilege to carry out with such fine people.

So in this new year, call or email when you have an idea, a question, a concern or just to say hello. And plan to come on January 9th to participate in the conversation about our shared ministry. It's a new year, and we can celebrate the old with the new.